Should You Research Someone's Past or Ask For Yourself?

Big Sean’s song “Research” featuring Ariana Grande, inspired me to write a post about track records, research, and whether or not it’s time to call it quits in a relationship.

Although the blog isn’t really putting emphasis on the message of the song ,the line ” We all got a past but it’s s### that I can’t pass” made me think about the relationships I’ve encountered knowing that everything hasn’t been all squeaky clean.

My relationships were pretty extreme because in essence they weren’t really relationships with titles but resembled it .At times it became the whole case of you did me wrong , I did you wrong but we’re fighting to savor something that may not last . I took the low road sometimes by not turning the other cheek and decided to seek revenge.

Before entering into these complicated and sometimes unrequited relationships, I would ask around, trying to receive knowledge on who I was dealing with. A mistake that I made was not listening to the advice others were giving me about the men I encountered because I wanted to judge those men for myself. I also thought that I was such a good girl and prize that I could change the men , I invested so much time in. But why do we ask around, if we aren’t going to take that person’s word on how he or she is? I think my answer comes from not wanting to have perceive biasm. If I’m interested in a person, I want to get to know them for who they are based off my own perceptions, not on the perceptions of others. People can only hide their colors for so long right? Either a person is real or flawed. That’s something that will air in the light once time unwinds.

So if what happens in the dark always comes to the light, what’s up with all the research we do??? Some women search instagram, check facebook accounts, text messages, phone records, stalk, and go through the extremes. I guess no one wants to look crazy or bamboozled by putting all their eggs in one basket so we fear what we may not know about a person or what we may already know. We fear getting played, we fear being hurt, we fear being lied to, and we even fear being truly loved. Many times, proof is in the pudding. God has given us eyes so we can observe the behavior and actions of others. Red flags and signs are always there sometimes we just dismiss them. If something seems off , then it probably is off.

What’s funny about doing all the research and going into FBI and CIA mode, with most of us, it doesn’t even change anything because we go right back. And then it becomes a game of cat and mouse. He or she does something wrong again , we get upset, cut them off, and then eventually go right back again.

The devastating and confusing thing is going back to this person, getting your groove on with them, sleeping in the same bed as them, investing your time and energy , sharing your hopes and dreams and not having a clue in knowing who they really are. No matter how much research we do on a person or how much we think we know someone , we’ll never know a person’s motives when it comes to the relationship they have with us. Only actions will tell.

Now don’t get me wrong, in today’s age when beginning to date someone new, it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to check the facts before investing your time. Things you should research and ask him or her include credit checks, children, criminal offenses, employment, family history, if there are any ex problems, any outstanding debt and even if he’s married, just for your own protection.

But, if we’re going to continue to invest in this person even after we know their flaws, we have to be mindful to not hold anything over them. Holding grudges and reminding someone of the wrongs he or she has done to you, only withers away the relationship. Stop holding on to someone’s past and bad track record if that person is trying to build with you. This doesn’t mean we should completely alienate our feelings or intuition. It is still the responsibility of every person to protect their emotional well being. There’s a way to go about this without playing the research game. It’s called communication. Good communication eliminates all the dirty work of researching. Good communication, being at one with your emotions, trust, and God will keep a relationship from falling into shambles.

If you just so happen to have to do research on a woman or man’s track record, make sure you talk to the source as well (meaning that woman or man you are involved with). We want to be mindful of the trust we want to develop by still entitling a person to his or her own privacy. This isn’t the CIA so Don’t badger them, just keep it real by letting them know your concerns about their past or maybe present.

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