WHY YOU MAY BE LOSING IN THE DATING GAME RIGHT NOW
We have all heard from a multitude of people how complicated dating is for the millennial generation and even for some of Generation X. But have you ever thought to yourself that maybe, just maybe WE HAVE BEEN DOING’DATING’ all WRONG???
Some women have this notion that before a guy can get to know ‘who she is’, he has to bend over backwards and jump over hurdles for her. You know the whole nine yards, take her out on these fancy dates, buy her flowers, send her cute messages everyday, and basically BABY her as if she is a four year old toddler .
I get it! Yes ‘WE’ , as women ADORE being spoiled. Even I want to be treated like the great woman I am from the inside out! But at what price?
Is it truly necessary for a man who just met me and knows absolutely nothing about who I am or who you are to take either one of us out on an exclusive ‘date’, HENCE spend excessive amounts of money on ONE night out ?
He doesn’t even know your character as a woman or how you behave out in public when a few martinis get in you or when your order is wrong at the restaurant.
Is a nice walk through the nature preserves fine? Or maybe a nice day out walking on the sand on a beach? I can even settle for ice cream or meeting up at a park !
I like to think dating has and will always be complicated when people put all of these high expectations on someone they just met. It’s great to have standards for yourself, like respect, love, and kindness that are classified as having morals. Yet unfortunately because of social media and dysfunctional toxic relationships with self and other people, not everyone has a core belief system of values.
If you have those morals for yourself you will attract the person who has those same morals. If you’re putting up a front, the person will read right through you and you will be considered superficial.
If you don’t know anything about your core (your inner self and spirit) you shouldn’t be trying to date anyone in the first place. You’re not even a healthy individual on the inside at this point! Let God clean you up and make you right for who is right for you.
Everyone wants things to happen so quick. The Jackson 5 song, Stop The Love You Save references a bit of what I’m mentioning, take it slow and look both ways or you maybe all alone!
Have you ever thought about when you develop a friendship with even just your best friend, that there were stages involved in the process? It’s called the Social Penetration Theory, where people begin to peel off the layers of who they are through self disclosure to grow closer to one another.
The relationship proceeds from a superficial connection of just pure attraction and chemistry to gradually transforming into a more intimate relationship. You slowly peel the layers off almost like when you peel an onion. That is the exact example many professors use in their Communication Theory classes, when describing the social penetration theory to their students.
The developmental stages of a friendship is considered dating. Dating just means you’re auditioning for a role in a person’s life. We even date God when we begin to form a relationship with Him. But society has put so many stipulations on what dating is!
By establishing a true friendship first you are able to become more vulnerable with that person because the focus is on living right by one another unselfishly to try to avoid unintentional hurt .
It’s not a force or manipulative agenda either! Relationships are naturally developed and all the cards should be laid out on the table about certain information available. You can’t scam or scheme your way into a person’s heart. It will always fail! Who really wants to deal with a liar, manipulator, or someone who is so deeply hurt that they can’t even return back to the beautiful spirit God made them from the beginning.
Sometimes we think by deceiving someone into believing we are really who we say we are when we aren’t is going to speed up the process of catching that perfect guy or girl, but it won’t! Be real with yourself first and then be real with your friend.
If the friendship turns into a romantic relationship, perfect! That means it was supposed to happen. But so often women push men away before even allowing the man to self disclose about how he truly feels or even who he really is as a person, because we are so anxious in HAVING A MAN!
People have to just trust the process and the growth in the friendship and stop being followers trying to post your new BEAU on FB, Instagram or any social media site anytime you get a chance to.
A person who wants you as a friend will honor your decision in waiting and you will also honor his decision in not wanting to engage in sex with you. You have to first want the person in your life as a friend before you see them as your mate or as a potential sex partner.
One thing I am finding out about myself is, I am a little fearful of what I want because I know he will be everything I’ve wanted. So establishing a lasting friendship is the best route for me! I need to be able to trust my partner and he needs to be able to trust me while together we trust that God will lead our lives accordingly.
Stop forcing a freaking relationship people! And most importantly develop the most authentic relationship with yourself !